Tired

I am so tired of disappointing everyone I know.

Twinkle, Twinkle

Twinkle, Twinkle

As I put the laundry out onto the balcony to dry, I tilted my head up and gazed at the night sky. With the light of the stars millions of years away twinkling in the distance, I could not help but feel that my problems are small. There’s a great universe out there, and my Creator holds it in His hands. At the moment, I felt infinite, because even though the darkness filled the night sky, the twinkling of the stars formed an unforced rhythm of hope, and a timely reminder that I live to be that little spark in this crooked and depraved world.

Balloons

Look how someone made my day by buying me two lovely balloons :)

When a parent's love is conditional

I was supposed to have a good night last night, with the blue and white helium balloons I took home from the party, and the cute little memo pad and baby Eeyore stuffed toy that I received.

But the balloons ran out of air even before I could play with them. Funny, because I was looking forward to letting them bob around in my room. They are some of my favourite things.

Things don't turn out the way they are supposed to, and I am so disappointed when it becomes crystal clear to me that your love for me is conditional. I don't know what part of me isn't good enough for you. I'm not a bad kid. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't party or club. Still, I don't know what drives you to make irrational and upsetting decisions. It's not as if I don't try hard enough to live up to your expectations.

Do you notice my effort? Even at all? You've crossed the line, you've passed the breaking point. The end.

Out of the storm

Had a rough day on Friday, where everything just seemed to go wrong, harsh words were spoken, feelings hurt.

When I stepped into the Worship Centre, honestly, I was feeling terrible, but I still gave God my best in worship, because worship is all about forgetting what is wrong with you, and remembering what is right with God.

But Friday's over, and it ended well, thankfully :) Thank God for friends, Thank God for forgiveness and thank God for the joy and hope that He gives.

He's my safe refuge in the storm.

I woke up today and the first thing that I did was check my phone
No message equals no love

So onto my laptop with facebook and email
I’m searching for some sort of connection
though I’m not sure if I found it

My email tells me that Sweet Susan can help me last longer
Facebook wants me to know that Mike is still drunk from last night
at seven in the evening

I scan through all of my friends pages
I know everything that’s going on
but really, I know nothing

Do I actually need to care about your throbbing head or your favourite lyrics?
I don’t want to join a group for people who ‘will slightly alter their course to step on a crunchy leaf”

I am sick of being surrounded yet alone

But this is the problem you see?

We have so much information, so many facts that get pound-ed in-to our HEADS!
WE KNOW EVERYTHING
Yet we do nothing

Save the whales
Support Fair-trade
Use renewable energy sources
Stop genocide
End the war
Support the war

We are being diluted to such an extent that no longer are we empowered to make a difference
We are being NUMBED to the needs of the world
our experience of being alone is convincing us that THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO

We are oblivious to the unique power of the individual
Blind to the inner fire that burns with a passion for change, for life

At the heart of it all
I ask myself the question

What can I do?

-Mark Anderson

Life starts again

I am grateful that the exams are over, and that I get to spend good, quality time with friends. Headed to Indoor Stadium after cell today and caught the Singapore Slingers VS Brunei Barracudas playing basketball. It was pretty amusing. Not NBA standard, but much better than Inter-Schools.

Will be going to Doulos tomorrow.

A letter to myself

Dearest self,

Make the most of your life. I know you have great dreams which you sometimes think are too lofty. But I urge you to pursue them. You can change the world.

Take life’s challenges in your stride and always keep your face to the Son. Because He saves, He changes, He loves and redeems. Never let the darkness get at you.

Treasure your friends. Spend quality time with them. Be there for them when they need you, not for any other selfish reason, but just simply because you care.

Keep pressing on in school, keep persevering. Even though it may seem like a hellhole to you, because of the tremendous amount of stress and expectations placed on you, go into school knowing that you can do it. You can make the experience better, if you don’t let it drag you down, and choose to stay positive.

Continue encouraging and inspiring others in the tiny things that you do. Don’t give up hope because the world doesn’t seem to care. Always believe in the power of one.

Create things. Do art. Run in the rain. Travel the world. Speak to different people. Be bold. Take risks. Relish challenges.

You can be the change in the fallen and depraved world you live in. Go, you! I believe in you. And I believe in others.

I believe in God and His everlasting love, and I hope that you will love Him as much, and even more as you grow older.

Love,

Self.